June 23, 2008 - Back to work

Last night was my first night back to work (Monday, June 23) - I work at a local gym 2 nights a week from 5 - 10:30pm and then on Sundays from 1pm till 7:30pm. I was dreading going back to work - there are some customers that knew I was pregnant but don't realize that I am no longer pregnant and what I had gone through. When I got to work, my boss came up to the front counter and just looked at me and shook his head - I just teared up and could barely talk - I could tell he didn't know what to say. During that evening - a lot of members came up to me and asked me how my vacation was - that must have been what the other staff members were telling the customers - it was weird - I just answered that it really wasn't a vacation - I was just at home and just left it at that - they didn't ask anymore than that which I was glad. The night went pretty good - it kept me busy - when I was done - I got in my car and just cried all the way home - I don't know why but I guess I just had to get it out. I am glad I got my first night of work out of the way but it is really hard having to move on - I can't believe it has been almost 2 weeks since this all happened - I hate it that it is going by so fast for some reason. Maybe because the cards have stopped coming in the mail... not really receiving e-mails and phone calls anymore, I am okay with that, I mean.. it is bound to happen at some point - life does go on but I am just not ready to move on right now and I guess it is hard to see others move on - Maybe I am starting to feel very alone in all of this - I have Mike which I am so grateful for... SO grateful for him.... it just feels like everyone else has moved on and I am just not ready too... I know I will at some point. It's just hard.... very hard!