Today is a bit of a cleaning day for me - cleaning out the closet in our computer room - what a job!! As I am cleaning - Brevin, my 4 year old, out of no where says "Mommy, I really want a baby brother like my friend Bryant has"... My eyes just filled with tears - this is the first time that Brevin has ever mentioned wanting a sibling. By the time I was ready to give him an answer - he was off playing - he wasn't waiting for an answer - he was just telling me what he was thinking at that moment.
Since he made that comment - I have been thinking. At my last appointment with my fertility specialist in Ann Arbor - we were talking about my situation - what had happened with my recent pregnancy - we are still not sure exactly what happened but I am having tests run on me to see if it might have been possible ICP (Cholestasis of Pregnancy). If I am able to get pregnant again and I miscarry again - with no known cause - then I am out of options as far as me getting pregnant again - IVF is not an option - I can get pregnant with fertility help but I just cannot keep a pregnancy. My infertility doctor told me that then my only options would be a gestational carrier (surrogate mother) or adoption - both so expensive - I have read that surrogate moms get paid a lot on top of all the medical bills that obviously we would pay - I doubt our insurance would pay medical bills of someone else carrying our baby. We still would have to check into adoption but we are clueless as to where to begin - what is a legit agency - who to trust... etc... I hate the unknown and not knowing if we will ever have a second child in our home... it is heartbreaking - I just pray that God will shed some light and guide us as to where HE wants us to go - what road to take.
That is it for today!!! I am trying to deal with a horrible sinus infection at the moment - Yuck!!
