I was putting Brevin to bed a couple nights ago and everynight he says his bedtime prayer: "Jesus, thank you for today, thank you for my work and play, Bless me as I sleep tonight.. keep me always in your sight". After he said his prayer... he was running his fingers through my hair and asked me if I said a bedtime prayer.. I answered without thinking "Yes I do"... he then looked at me said "no you don't mom". Wow.. did that hit me.. my prayer life has taken a big hit... I guess you could say - I go nights without saying a prayer... I go days without saying a prayer.. talking to God or anything like that. I remember after I had Troy, the following morning.. a nurse gave me a basket full of stuff - one thing that was in that basket was a journal. I tried writing in it but I am horrible at writing - I always have more to write than my hand allows me to write.. my hand gets sore and I lose my thoughts because I can't write fast enough - I would rather type which is why I started this blog. I know of a few people that have a prayer journal and I have always wanted to start that. After I put my son to bed that night - I immediately thought about this journal from the hospital - I am going to make that my prayer journal - just write down names of those that need prayers and prayers of my own - short notes. I know God gave me this idea - he knows I am struggling with my relationship with Him since I had to say goodbye to my little boy and maybe this is a way to help restore that relationship with Him... I know I need Him in my life - more now than ever...I am going to give this prayer journal a try.
I wanted to put down the lyrics of a song by Casting Crowns - the words have SO much meaning to me but I honestly cannot listen to the song - it just makes me sob to no end but I do know that I need to praise God in this storm - I am thankful for all the friends and family that God has put into my life - I could not get through this without them and for that.. I praise God!
Praise You in This Storm
I was sure by now
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth
