I had another appointment this past Friday - it was a long appointment - the babies are still doing well - we got another ultrasound and were able to still see them moving around.. they are getting big.. along with me.. I cannot believe how much weight I have gain but my Dr. is very pleased with that! I have been having this "rib" pain for the past few weeks and I remember having something similar when I was pregnant with Brev... I mentioned it to the doctor and he asked me a few questions about it and then tried to feel where the pain was... he then sent me to the lab to get my blood drawn to make sure there is nothing going on with my pancreas... checking to see if it might be inflamed or something so that got me a little worried - I am still waiting for the results on that - hopefully no news is good news.
I started getting Braxton-Hicks contractions - that does worry me - last night at work they just seemed to be coming and going - it is sometimes hard to tell when one is starting or when they end - my stomach always feels tight so I am keeping an eye on it and just hope and pray that all is okay and that these babies stay in me for a long time yet! The nurse at my last appointment told me that I would probably start feeling the braxton-hicks and sure enough... I am. She said it is pretty normal for that to start happening and to just keep an eye on it - they don't want it to be a consistant thing everyday so needless to say.. I am worried... but just praying that God will take my worries away.... along with these contractions!
Thursday is my last day of work - it is getting really hard to be there - I am on my feel for 5 1/2 hours straight - I do take sit-down breaks but it all depends on how busy things are.. plus I am bending down a lot at work (cleaning and picking up after people) - up and down stairs etc... it is just not comfortable anymore.
Hopefully I can try relax this week and try to put my feet up more. I just keep praying for these boys.. that they stay nice and comfortable inside me for another 3 months!!
Thanks everyone for all the prayers, notes and phone calls - means so much to me!!!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Friday, June 12, 2009
June 13, 2009
I cannot believe it has been one year since we met our little boy Troy and one year since we had to say goodbye to him. Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday and sometimes it seems like it was a ages ago... I don't know why but no matter how long it has seemed.. that day will always live on with me - I can still remember every detail of that day... how hard and incredibly emotional that day was... the sadness of that day has not left me - I tear up everytime I think of that day in the hospital holding my little boy and just feeling so broken and having NO idea how I was going to get through - I literally wanted to die. The support I got was so overwhelming though... God really did surround me with family and friends and I will forever be grateful and thankful to HIM and to everyone that helped Mike and I through. I somehow find comfort in the visions I have of my Grandma Maggie and Mike's Grandma Sadie holding our little boy in Heaven... and loving him to pieces... knowing that one day we will be with him again and holding him in our arms.
I end this post with a message that was on one of the cards that I received when we lost Troy.
"God will never leave you... He knows how it feels to have a broken heart. He knows how much you need comfort and healing... But He won't hurry you or ask you to feel better until you're ready. He simply promises to be there by your side... comforting you always."
Friday, June 5, 2009
Another great appointment!!
I had my official ultrasound today that took close to an hour... both baby boys are doing really well - both are at the 1 pound mark - one is 16 oz and the other is 15 oz which the dr. is extremely pleased with... he said that is a normal weight for a singleton pregnancy at 20 weeks... Yeah!! My Dr. told me a while back that I need to gain 20 pounds by June 5 and I am happy to report that I have done that!! Eventhough I feel so heavy... I will gain whatever I need to keep these babies happy and healthy.
I was so nervous for this appointment.. I have been feeling fetal movement but only on one side and I was worried something was wrong with one of the babies... come to find out - they are both on one side and one of the boys has an anterior placenta.. which means the placenta is in front of the baby so that cushions the kicks where I cannot feel them as well as I do with the other baby.
I wish I had a scanner so I could post pictures of our little ones - I will try to use a friends scanner and post some pictures soon. One of the scans showed all four feet right together... all feet up.. both head down.. that was so amazing.. they were in a "spooning" position.. so they are keeping close to each other.
My next appointment is again in 2 weeks.
I believe that Mike and I finally settled on names for these little guys - it was really hard coming up with names that we both liked but I think we finally did it... we are still not sure if we are going to share the names or let it be a surprise when they are born. One thing I can tell you is that they are very common boy names.. nothing unique like Brevin's name where you really don't hear that name very often.
I am so thankful to God for another wonderful appointment. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers for us today... we are thrilled and excited and are just praying that these babies will continue to grow and stay in me for at least another 3 months!!
I was so nervous for this appointment.. I have been feeling fetal movement but only on one side and I was worried something was wrong with one of the babies... come to find out - they are both on one side and one of the boys has an anterior placenta.. which means the placenta is in front of the baby so that cushions the kicks where I cannot feel them as well as I do with the other baby.
I wish I had a scanner so I could post pictures of our little ones - I will try to use a friends scanner and post some pictures soon. One of the scans showed all four feet right together... all feet up.. both head down.. that was so amazing.. they were in a "spooning" position.. so they are keeping close to each other.
My next appointment is again in 2 weeks.
I believe that Mike and I finally settled on names for these little guys - it was really hard coming up with names that we both liked but I think we finally did it... we are still not sure if we are going to share the names or let it be a surprise when they are born. One thing I can tell you is that they are very common boy names.. nothing unique like Brevin's name where you really don't hear that name very often.
I am so thankful to God for another wonderful appointment. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers for us today... we are thrilled and excited and are just praying that these babies will continue to grow and stay in me for at least another 3 months!!
Monday, June 1, 2009
June
June is here.. already... a month I honestly have been dreading. I can't believe it has been almost a year now. A year since I gave birth to our little boy and had to say hello and goodbye the same day - it was on Friday, June 13, Father's day weekend. I get asked if being pregnant helps coping through that loss.. and to some extent it does but it does not erase the memory of what Mike and I went through that day - that day is still SO clear in my head - the emotions of that day are still with me. I still tear up everytime I think of Troy and still wonder what would have been. It is still really hard not knowing what happened... why he died. It was the hardest thing to hold our son, lifeless.. to be able to touch him but then having to let him go. Our dreams were crushed that day but our love for that little boy will always go on.
So, June 13 is fast approaching - I get asked what we are going to do that day and I honestly don't know.. I don't know what to do.. what is the right thing to do.. what is the wrong thing to do. I have some family coming into town that weekend that I haven't seen in a long time and there is going to be a family party on that Sat. June 13 at my Uncle and Aunts house.. on a lake - we always have such a good time when we go there. Part of me wants to go but then will I feel guilty if I have a good time. Part of me wants to stay home but will I just be depressed all day long - I can't do that with my 4 year old. Whatever I do.. I know that day - a year ago is going to be playing out in my head - knowing what I was doing each hour of that day, from the minute that ultrasound showed no heartbeat.. to the minute I checked into the hospital.. to the minute the Dr. induced labor... to the minute I gave birth to Troy.. to the minute I held him in my arms.. to the minute I had to say goodbye to him. It will be a hard day no matter what and I almost wish someone would just tell me what to do but I know that is my choice. I just want Troy to be remembered and not forgotten.. I know I won't forget but I think I have a fear that others will?? Not sure if that makes sense or not.
Hopefully I will figure out what to do but for now.. I just want to get through this month. I miss my little man so much!!
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
1 Peter 5:7
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
So, June 13 is fast approaching - I get asked what we are going to do that day and I honestly don't know.. I don't know what to do.. what is the right thing to do.. what is the wrong thing to do. I have some family coming into town that weekend that I haven't seen in a long time and there is going to be a family party on that Sat. June 13 at my Uncle and Aunts house.. on a lake - we always have such a good time when we go there. Part of me wants to go but then will I feel guilty if I have a good time. Part of me wants to stay home but will I just be depressed all day long - I can't do that with my 4 year old. Whatever I do.. I know that day - a year ago is going to be playing out in my head - knowing what I was doing each hour of that day, from the minute that ultrasound showed no heartbeat.. to the minute I checked into the hospital.. to the minute the Dr. induced labor... to the minute I gave birth to Troy.. to the minute I held him in my arms.. to the minute I had to say goodbye to him. It will be a hard day no matter what and I almost wish someone would just tell me what to do but I know that is my choice. I just want Troy to be remembered and not forgotten.. I know I won't forget but I think I have a fear that others will?? Not sure if that makes sense or not.
Hopefully I will figure out what to do but for now.. I just want to get through this month. I miss my little man so much!!
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
1 Peter 5:7
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.
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