Monday, October 27, 2008
Spinning...
I am struggling today... I just cried all the way home from dropping Brev off at school - I heard on the radio a song that talked about having one life to live and to make the most of it. I just feel like I am sinking and I cannot get out. It really bothers me that my life is totally consumed by wanting another child so bad - I wish I could get that desire out of my head - it is all I think about lately and the unknown gets me so down - I don't know if I can ever carry a pregnancy again and to go into adoption - that could take years and even if we are chosen - that parent could back out on us and then we are left waiting again... I just don't know what to do and I WISH God would speak to me and tell me what it is we are supposed to do - what path he wants us to take but all I hear is silence... I just feel like my life is spinning in circles and just going no where and it is all because I just want to give Brevin a brother or sister so badly. I just want to feel content and okay with my life - the way it is right now - I want to stop hoping for another child... it is getting so emotionally draining. I just pray that God will give me some peace with what I have right now - I have so much - a wonderful husband... a wonderful son... a wonderful house to live in and wonderful friends and family... I just want to be content and at peace and happy where I am. I have only one earthly life and I don't want to continue living it the way I am... I just feel frustrated and sad today.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
November might not be so bad...
So I have been dreading November coming - although I love Fall like I have mention many times before but just the fact of it being what would have been my due date... but... it might not be so bad after all. In November... I was invited to go to the Ohio Food Show where Paula Deen, Bobby Dean, Guy Fieri (spelling?) and Curtis Stone will be!! I am SO excited about that - I am such a geek when it comes to the Food Network and there is someone else out there like me that loves this kind of stuff so I am going with another Mom from Brev's school and I really cannot wait.
Also... I am having another Tastefully Simple party - I had one last year and it really was fun - tasting all the appetizers - I just love food and had a great time last year with everyone that came and hope this year will be fun also!
Then Mike and I and Brevin are going to Pensacola - we are really excited for this trip - I just hope the drive down goes well for Brevin. He is so excited to see the ocean and to hopefully collect shells... he is counting down the days - he kept asking me when we are leaving so I printed a Backyardagains calendar off of the internet and hung it on our fridge and now every morning.. he crosses off another day - it will be a nice, relaxing family vacation and we are just SO thankful that we can go.
So... I am just so grateful that God put these plans in my life (our lives) for November - I now have things to look foward to and keep me busy. God is SO good!!
Also... I am having another Tastefully Simple party - I had one last year and it really was fun - tasting all the appetizers - I just love food and had a great time last year with everyone that came and hope this year will be fun also!
Then Mike and I and Brevin are going to Pensacola - we are really excited for this trip - I just hope the drive down goes well for Brevin. He is so excited to see the ocean and to hopefully collect shells... he is counting down the days - he kept asking me when we are leaving so I printed a Backyardagains calendar off of the internet and hung it on our fridge and now every morning.. he crosses off another day - it will be a nice, relaxing family vacation and we are just SO thankful that we can go.
So... I am just so grateful that God put these plans in my life (our lives) for November - I now have things to look foward to and keep me busy. God is SO good!!
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
October 15, 2008 - Rememberance Day
Today, October 15, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day.... for everyone that has lost a baby through miscarriage... stillbirth... premature and/or full term loss... SIDS... any infant loss. Please remember not only me but all of those that have had to endure such tragic losses.
Tonight at 7pm - everyone is invited to light a candle - to have a "wave of light" to burn for one hour - across the world to remember parents... pregnancies and infants. I will be lighting one for Troy tonight and for my miscarriage back in 2006.... I will also be lighting candles for those that I know have been through a loss.
The website for more information is:
http://www.october15th.com
It is a wonderful website - please check it out and please light a candle!
Tonight at 7pm - everyone is invited to light a candle - to have a "wave of light" to burn for one hour - across the world to remember parents... pregnancies and infants. I will be lighting one for Troy tonight and for my miscarriage back in 2006.... I will also be lighting candles for those that I know have been through a loss.
The website for more information is:
http://www.october15th.com
It is a wonderful website - please check it out and please light a candle!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
October 12, 2008
I absolutely LOVE fall - it is my favorite time of the year. Mike and I went to dinner tonight with 2 other couples... and on our drive out - just a little ways from our house I was looking out and saw the beautiful trees that are changing colors - some are so bright right now - it just brought tears to my eyes because it is all so bitter-sweet... I love fall but now fall to me has a very emotional side to it - I can't help but love seeing the beauty and being sad at the very same moment. Life goes on doesn't it... I just cannot believe we are in this season already and Thanksgiving.. Winter... Christmas is just a blink of an eye away - I still hate how time flies and it really does fly!!
Anyway...I am finally feeling better physially from my surgery - I no longer walk like an old lady - I am still quite sore... mornings and nights are the hardest but it is getting better each day - the motrin really helps along with an extremely helpful and wonderful husband!! I am very anxious to get into the gym - all the awesome meals that were brought it - well... we ate it all and are still eating it - I think I have gained 10 pounds just in the last week! I am so thankful for what everyone has done - even the simple "how are you doing today"... or... "How are you feeling"... it is amazing how much just those words mean to me - just knowing I am being thought of.. is that selfish?
I wanted to put in a devotional that I came across from The Purpose Driven Life - I receive daily devotionals over e-mail and this one just really caught my attention.
We Need Each Other: To Wait and Weep With
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 1 Peter 3:8 (NIV)
*** *** *** ***
As a pastor, I see situations daily that nobody should ever have to go through alone. Nobody should ever have to wait in the hospital while a loved one is in life-or-death surgery. No woman should ever have to wait alone for the lab report on a problem pregnancy. Nobody should ever have to wait for news from a battlefield alone. Nobody should ever have to stand at the edge of an open grave alone. Nobody should ever have to spend the first night alone when their spouse has just walked out.
Life’s tough times and tragedies are inevitable – each of us will face them. But we don’t need to go through them alone. We need God’s safety net to help hold us up through these difficult times.
What is God’s safety net? It is a group of other believers – a handful of people who are really committed to you. We call this kind of group a community. Here’s God’s plan for community: “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it” (1 Corinthians 12:26 NIV). Community is God’s answer to despair.
Romans 12:15 expresses a similar idea: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (NIV).
The first part of that verse is easy. When something good happens to someone, it’s often easy to join in on the party.
But when someone is having a tough time, it can seem more difficult. But, really, it’s simple. When you’re going through a crisis, you don’t want advice; you just want somebody to be there – to sit with you, hold your hand, put an arm around your shoulder, or cry with you.
As Paul tells us, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV). Encouraging someone else doesn’t always mean giving a pep talk or words of wisdom. Sometimes the best kind of encouragement is just sitting in silence – waiting and weeping with a friend.
Do you have a safety net – a group of fellow Christians you know you can count on in life’s toughest times? If not, go out today and begin building those friendships. The hard times in life are inevitable, and only a fool would go into them unprepared.
After reading this... I just pray to God that I will become more like this to others because this message is SO true! I don't want anyone to ever feel alone in times like these mentioned... I know this for myself... it has always been my biggest fear.. honestly.. I want to be more like Christ in this way especially - to help those that need help to get through a tough and emotional time - those time don't end a few weeks out or even a few months out... it never totally disappears no matter how much time has gone by - to feel continued support means the world!!
Anyway...I am finally feeling better physially from my surgery - I no longer walk like an old lady - I am still quite sore... mornings and nights are the hardest but it is getting better each day - the motrin really helps along with an extremely helpful and wonderful husband!! I am very anxious to get into the gym - all the awesome meals that were brought it - well... we ate it all and are still eating it - I think I have gained 10 pounds just in the last week! I am so thankful for what everyone has done - even the simple "how are you doing today"... or... "How are you feeling"... it is amazing how much just those words mean to me - just knowing I am being thought of.. is that selfish?
I wanted to put in a devotional that I came across from The Purpose Driven Life - I receive daily devotionals over e-mail and this one just really caught my attention.
We Need Each Other: To Wait and Weep With
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 1 Peter 3:8 (NIV)
*** *** *** ***
As a pastor, I see situations daily that nobody should ever have to go through alone. Nobody should ever have to wait in the hospital while a loved one is in life-or-death surgery. No woman should ever have to wait alone for the lab report on a problem pregnancy. Nobody should ever have to wait for news from a battlefield alone. Nobody should ever have to stand at the edge of an open grave alone. Nobody should ever have to spend the first night alone when their spouse has just walked out.
Life’s tough times and tragedies are inevitable – each of us will face them. But we don’t need to go through them alone. We need God’s safety net to help hold us up through these difficult times.
What is God’s safety net? It is a group of other believers – a handful of people who are really committed to you. We call this kind of group a community. Here’s God’s plan for community: “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it” (1 Corinthians 12:26 NIV). Community is God’s answer to despair.
Romans 12:15 expresses a similar idea: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (NIV).
The first part of that verse is easy. When something good happens to someone, it’s often easy to join in on the party.
But when someone is having a tough time, it can seem more difficult. But, really, it’s simple. When you’re going through a crisis, you don’t want advice; you just want somebody to be there – to sit with you, hold your hand, put an arm around your shoulder, or cry with you.
As Paul tells us, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV). Encouraging someone else doesn’t always mean giving a pep talk or words of wisdom. Sometimes the best kind of encouragement is just sitting in silence – waiting and weeping with a friend.
Do you have a safety net – a group of fellow Christians you know you can count on in life’s toughest times? If not, go out today and begin building those friendships. The hard times in life are inevitable, and only a fool would go into them unprepared.
After reading this... I just pray to God that I will become more like this to others because this message is SO true! I don't want anyone to ever feel alone in times like these mentioned... I know this for myself... it has always been my biggest fear.. honestly.. I want to be more like Christ in this way especially - to help those that need help to get through a tough and emotional time - those time don't end a few weeks out or even a few months out... it never totally disappears no matter how much time has gone by - to feel continued support means the world!!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Doing well...
I made it though surgery - I knew I would but I was SO nervous! I got to the hospital at 11:30am for prep - was wheeled in the OR at 12:50pm and was out of the hospital at 3:00pm - it was fast! My first stop after surgery was the coffee shop for a skinny vanilla latte - I was craving that! I am on vicodin and doing pretty good - I am SO sore though - I had no idea how sore this procedure would be - walking is very hard right now as I cannot straighten up - taking a shower last night was hilarious I must say - Mike is taking such good care of me - Brev is too - he keeps asking me how I am doing and always giving me kisses and hugs - when I get up to walk, he just stares at me... I think expecting me to fall or something.. plus I look silly walking. I am so blessed with family and friends - thank you for all your prayers... cards and all the yummy meals.. and the edible fruit arrangement from my parents - ALL so very appreciated since I cannot get into the kitchen to cook at all! Thank you to Kris for sitting with Mike in the waiting room at the hospital and keeping him company and visiting me when I woke up - it was great!! To Josie for watching Brev the day of the surgery - picking him up from school and hanging out with him the rest of the afternoon... he had a blast!! Trina and Julie.. thanks for taking Brev yesterday - that was huge... we really appreciate it!! I will be back on a bit later - it still hurts a bit to sit - laying down is what feels the best right now but just wanted to thank everyone who might be reading this!!
~ Kim
~ Kim
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