Spinning...

I am struggling today... I just cried all the way home from dropping Brev off at school - I heard on the radio a song that talked about having one life to live and to make the most of it. I just feel like I am sinking and I cannot get out. It really bothers me that my life is totally consumed by wanting another child so bad - I wish I could get that desire out of my head - it is all I think about lately and the unknown gets me so down - I don't know if I can ever carry a pregnancy again and to go into adoption - that could take years and even if we are chosen - that parent could back out on us and then we are left waiting again... I just don't know what to do and I WISH God would speak to me and tell me what it is we are supposed to do - what path he wants us to take but all I hear is silence... I just feel like my life is spinning in circles and just going no where and it is all because I just want to give Brevin a brother or sister so badly. I just want to feel content and okay with my life - the way it is right now - I want to stop hoping for another child... it is getting so emotionally draining. I just pray that God will give me some peace with what I have right now - I have so much - a wonderful husband... a wonderful son... a wonderful house to live in and wonderful friends and family... I just want to be content and at peace and happy where I am. I have only one earthly life and I don't want to continue living it the way I am... I just feel frustrated and sad today.